[Note: This is the 5,000th post here at Plunderbund. Ironically enough it is not really about politics. also ironic - and typical - is that it blew up in comments. Very Plunderific! YaY milestones!]

Should Powerful Men Not Get Married? My TV-boyfriend Dylan Ratigan thinks so.

His theory is that men with power – in this case Tiger Woods because he’s a celebrity worth $1 billion – should not get married because they are in too many situations where they will be tempted to sleep around. These men constantly have women “making themselves sexually available” to them. (If taken literally, this statement makes me laugh.)

So, he thinks these men should just not commit to one woman by getting married.

I get the argument, but it’s also a very sad statement about men and their abilities to control themselves and live up to their commitments. (And, yes, it is also a sad statement that some women have no problem sleeping with married men.)

Men of Plunderbund, what do you think?

UPDATE: Here’s the video of Dylan making his argument.

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  • Amber

    I also want to know why the opposite is not also true?

    Why aren't men making themselves “sexually available” to powerful women?

    Well, I guess even if they were, the women are probably too exhausted to care. :)

  • http://www.bloggerinterrupted.com TimRusso

    trying to tread lightly here, but everyone knows how hard that is for me!

    my take – i would like to know when women will stop marrying filthy rich males for their money.

  • Amber

    What? Only the women who marry poor men do it for love?

    :)

  • http://www.bloggerinterrupted.com TimRusso

    correct.

  • mvirenicus

    i'm a wife swapper, therefore i have no comment.

  • http://www.bloggerinterrupted.com TimRusso

    ROFL

  • Amber

    Interesting…so what does that say about my new marriage? My hubby is not poor…

  • http://www.bloggerinterrupted.com TimRusso

    check the pre-nup

  • http://plunderbund.com Joseph

    Is that a serious question?

    I have this crazy feeling that no women – rich or otherwise – has a problem finding men who are sexually available.

  • Amber

    Ha!

    So, women just have better self control – or are at least more particular?

  • http://www.bloggerinterrupted.com TimRusso

    also correct.

  • http://plunderbund.com Joseph

    I think there is another question to be asked though: is it that rich and powerful men cheat more? or that they just get caught more?

    No one is going to pay your husband's mistress's friend for information about his infidelity.

  • http://thatsmrsbitchtoyou.blogspot.com MrsBitch

    Yeah, and check the fact that Rush Hindenburg is snagging some blonde Ann Coulter clone. What's this, his fourth? You can't tell me she finds him infinitely sexy and companionable. If he was a Walmart greeter, women sure as hell wouldn't be tossing themselves at him.

    Back to the original question though, even if rich men never marry — Jack Nicholson springs to mind, even though he was married for a short time a hundred years ago — they generally get involved in long-term relationships at some point, and those women feel the same sense of betrayal when they're cheated on.

  • Amber

    Good question!

    Dylan obviously feels that powerful guys have more opportunities. I'm not sure I agree with that either.

  • jeffhess

    Shalom Amber,

    I do not think the qualifier ought to be power, but rather success. Those at the top of their profession get that way by working 90-hour weeks, by devoting their every waking moment (and a of their sleeping moments) to their professional endeavors.

    That makes for a lousy home life.

    Interestingly enough I made much the same comment to Councilwoman Jill Miller-Zimon upon her victory in last month's election. One person can't do two jobs in an excellent manner. Time restraints — we all get the same 23 hours, 59 minutes and 56 seconds per day — prohibit any other reality.

    B'shalom,

    Jeff

  • Pingback: Have Coffee Will Write » Blog Archive » MY COMMENTS…

  • Amber

    So, anyone who has a successful career can't also have a successful family/personal life?

    That's not true. Nobody's life is perfect, but I know lots of people who are successful in both arenas (myself included!).

  • jeffhess

    Shalom Amber,

    When I use the word successful, I mean top 5 percent in the world successful, I mean Olympic medalist successful, I mean the kind of success where if someone mentions your area of expertise, your name is going to come up.

    I mean that level of success where you have access to the power the command the response you desire.

    Compared to my own abysmal performance on the golf course, anyone on the PGA tour is a successful golfer. Compared to Tiger Woods, those other golfers aren't. That's the difference we're talking about when we look at people like Oprah Winfrey. Have you ever considered why it is that she and Steadman have never married? She is both successful and powerful in every sense of the words that matters.

    B'shalom,

    Jeff

  • http://www.plunderbund.com Eric

    how did i know this would be the thread that took off today?

    ps – i was married for my dashing looks and charming smile…not to mention my razor wit and humble nature. ;-)

  • Amber

    Well, Oprah has managed to have long-term relationships with Steadman and with Gayle! Sounds successful to me :)

  • jeffhess

    Shalom Amber,

    I confess that I know nothing about Steadman other than that he's been Oprah's gentleman for some 18 years. What does he do? Why do you think they haven't married?

    My bet is that Oprah is one smart woman.

    As far as the success of their long-term relationship, what do we know about it other than the fact that they have both managed to keep their personal lives under the radar?

    B'shalom,

    Jeff

  • http://www.plunderbund.com/ Brian

    I think rich/powerful/successful guys have more opportunities (or you can call them “temptations”) than “normal” guys; it's the nature of how humans work sexually. The only other difference between guys like Tiger and some guy on my street is that fewer people care about some “average Joe's” infidelity. We're all human, and susceptible to giving in to temptation, I think the rich guys are just tempted more often than anybody else.

    I mean, let's be honest here – I'm a married middle class guy living in a middle class neighborhood in a non-descript job. I don't have extras from Nip/Tuck making themselves obviously sexually available to me. Hell, not even the cute undergrad girls we usually have interning at the office send up any flags.

    Of course, people are individuals, and individuals often deviate from “average”. So it's no surprise that there are rich and powerful men who are committed family men, and deadbeats who cheat like crazy.

    As for the question of why we don't see the same pattern of behavior as frequently in women… I think a large part of it goes back to the differences in the patterns that matter to men and women on a biological level when selecting mates. As a gross generalization, there's more incentive biologically for women to be monogamous than men, largely because the biological investment required by women to pass on their genetic code is much much larger than that for men. A woman is unable to reproduce for a long time after conceiving, so it pays to be selective (even if it's not a part of the conscious thought process), while that is not at all the case for men. Again, obviously people are individuals, and there are situations where having multiple sexual partners is biologically advantageous to women… usually when the 2nd partner is a “better provider” than the 1st.

    This is always a touchy topic, because it's difficult to talk about biological influences on sexual behavior without people interpreting your statements to be sexist (“women are all gold-diggers who only select mates based on their ability to 'provide' and 'protect'? How dare you!”), despite the fact that what those arguments imply about the “average” male isn't particularly flattering either (we prefer young curvy women because they will be more fertile, and tend to be philandering in order to maximize the distribution of genetic code).

    Just my take on it.

  • atalkingdog

    it used to be more acceptable for powerful men to have girlfriends on the side.

    Bob Hope slept with more women than any 3 rock stars.
    and he stayed married for about 70 years.

    and probably countless professional athletes have had some reliable hookups in different cities.
    it doesn't mean it is right, or should continue.
    but it doesn't have to automatically end in divorce.

  • scottpullins

    good one!!!!!!!

  • scottpullins

    good one!!!!!!!

  • Guest

    Men should not marry at all. Especially men with money. Women are nearly always the ones who file for divorce because they always get the assets, his money and his children, and hence the gravy train. Men, if you love someone, then live with them, but don't make any agreement (like a marriage) which binds you but not her. And under no circumstances give an American woman children; the chances are better than even that you will not get to raise the children for whom you pay, while they are poisoned against you. This is the way it works most of the time. Don't do it guys, just don't do it.

  • ryan

    powerful men are more likely to marry women who have gotten by on their looks more than their brains or sincerity. Such a wife knows this, so she is more suspicious about her husband leaving her for those same reasons as she ages. This sets up a feedback loop of negative emotions between the two. This builds to a tipping point, and the woman is set on having a pre-emptive divorce on her own terms, rather than her husbands terms. In the case of Tiger Woods, he could not have done more to wreck his marriage than he has.

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