Ok, ok….I meant Tiger Woods’ “idiotic” marriage – he probably did it for golf

Shalom Tim,

Dan Savage is clearly on your side:

For the millionth time: Men cheat for the same reasons women cheat, i.e., because they're bored or horny or unfulfilled or desperate to see someone else naked for a change. People cheat because monogamy isn't natural and we are wired to cheat. That doesn't make cheating right, of course; people should honor their commitments, and blah-de-nine-iron-blah. But we shouldn't encourage people to make commitments we all know they're unlikely to keep. The end.

B'shalom,

Jeff

“I guess I owe the married people an apology…”

i'm sorry they're married too.

I guess I appreciate your attempt to clarify and explain your views, but as one of the married people, I don't feel a whole hellava lot of comfort at being called “ridiculous” rather than “idiotic.”

That being said, I still disagree with you. You have a cynical view of marriage which I understand stems from your personal experience and what you have seen around you. But do you really believe that marriage is hopelessly flawed because it requires people to act against “their humanity”? That means people are naturally inclined to cheat and philander and SHOULD NOT BE DISCOURAGED FROM DOING SO. But what you ignore is the fact that society reins in our base instincts on so many levels – that's what creates a workable, peaceful, productive society. Is the criminal code hopelessly flawed because it prevents us from acting out in violence against others? Part of what makes us human is the fact that we can resist our base urges and elevate ourselves to a higher level. A successful marriage leads to that kind of spiritual elevation.

It's too bad you haven't experienced the positive side of marriage because until you do, you cannot fully understand the benefits. It's kind of like having children – until you have them, you haven't experienced a full range of emotions and ideas that come with becoming a parent. It changes you in a fundamental way. Marriage can do that too, in my opinion. In fact, there are aspects of my own humanity that I have experienced because I am married.

Yes, I agree that the Hollywood view of marriage is completely unrealistic. Most people don't marry their soul mates, BUT many happy, long-lasting marriages exist between people who admit they aren't soul mates. Go figure.

And how about all those famous athletes and celebrities who marry, have children, and don't cheat? Those relationships don't fit your model. Or maybe you don't believe they exist.

You're entitled to your opinion, but admit that it's superficial and based on a very narrow scope of experience. Don't insult all of us married people by concluding that we are dump sheep who don't know any better. We know a lot that you don't.

I guess I appreciate your attempt to clarify and explain your views, but as one of the married people, I don't feel a whole hellava lot of comfort at being called “ridiculous” rather than “idiotic.”

That being said, I still disagree with you. You have a cynical view of marriage which I understand stems from your personal experience and what you have seen around you. But do you really believe that marriage is hopelessly flawed because it requires people to act against “their humanity”? That means people are naturally inclined to cheat and philander and SHOULD NOT BE DISCOURAGED FROM DOING SO. But what you ignore is the fact that society reins in our base instincts on so many levels – that's what creates a workable, peaceful, productive society. Is the criminal code hopelessly flawed because it prevents us from acting out in violence against others? Part of what makes us human is the fact that we can resist our base urges and elevate ourselves to a higher level. A successful marriage leads to that kind of spiritual elevation.

It's too bad you haven't experienced the positive side of marriage because until you do, you cannot fully understand the benefits. It's kind of like having children – until you have them, you haven't experienced a full range of emotions and ideas that come with becoming a parent. It changes you in a fundamental way. Marriage can do that too, in my opinion. In fact, there are aspects of my own humanity that I have experienced because I am married.

Yes, I agree that the Hollywood view of marriage is completely unrealistic. Most people don't marry their soul mates, BUT many happy, long-lasting marriages exist between people who admit they aren't soul mates. Go figure.

And how about all those famous athletes and celebrities who marry, have children, and don't cheat? Those relationships don't fit your model. Or maybe you don't believe they exist.

You're entitled to your opinion, but admit that it's superficial and based on a very narrow scope of experience. Don't insult all of us married people by concluding that we are dumb sheep who don't know any better. We know a lot that you don't.