Always wanted to talk like a Columbus political insider? Well now you can!

A friend of the blog recently sent us this lexicon of Ohio political speak.  Enjoy…

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William Safire publishes a periodic political dictionary that highlights words and phrases added to the lexicon and inspired by politics.

Watergate – or anything ending in “gate” — has become shorthand for scandal.

Camelot describes the Kennedy administration. Celestials are those brought into politics by Dick Celeste. Blackwellian is reserved for matters of, or pertaining, to the policies promoted by Ken Blackwell, especially illogical attacks on gays and lesbians and nonsensical fiscal policies such as the flat tax.

And unfortunately for Monica, a Lewinsky is among the synonyms for acts best not discussed here.

Out of deference to Mr. Safire’s wit and wisdom, and our shared love of language, we are launching an Ohio-centric version of the political dictionary. And we ask all of you to help us write it.

Our initial offerings:

Bruniverse: n., the totality of the world occupied by former Ohio Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner, her family and close advisers. Usage: “Pollster Celinda Lake and consultant Antoinette Wilson reside in the Bruniverse.”

carpetblogger: n., a derogatory term used to describe paid bloggers who pretend to be just average folks, but use the new media to shamelessly promote a candidate or issue and shamelessly rely on stock talking points they provide. Usage: “Jon Keeling’s shameless promotion of Republicans gives carpetbloggers a bad name.”

Cordrarian: n. any supporter of former Ohio Attorney General Richard Cordray. Usage: “Many Cordrarians have moved to Washington, D.C., to work for the new U.S. Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.”

coffee-mugged: v., to assault a campaign staffer by tossing a cup of coffee, either full or empty, either hot or cold. Usage: “John Kasich has such a volatile temper that he coffee-mugged a young woman staffer during his short-lived run for president.’’

Danimal House: n. pejorative term used to describe the condo once shared by former Ohio Attorney General Marc Dann and his communications director, Leo Jennings III. Usage: “Hawaiian pizza is the preferred snack at Danimal House.”

f—tard: n,. a term reserved for political consultants who are known for taking cheap shots. Usage: “Matt Naugle is a such f—tard but you have to pity him because he believes all that Blackwellian BS and has never even had a Lewinsky.”

Kasichistan: n. A patriarchal dictatorship with an unhealthy fear of blue tongue cows and whose leaders ridicule law enforcement. Usage: “In Kasichistan, women are only permitted to make the little decisions, blue tongue cows present the No. 1 the public health concern and cops are idiots.’’

spokesweasel: n., derogatory term used to describe spokespeople who intentionally lie. Usage: “Although Rob Nichols is a gifted spokesweasel, even he can’t defend Kasich’s bizarre performance at the State of the State.”

spokesflunkie: n., worse than a spokesweasel, a term used to describe mouthpieces for third-party, rightwing groups such as the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, Karl Rove’s American Crossroads or other shady outfits created to employ dirty tricks to defeat progressives. Usage: “A Crossroads spokesflunkie is shamelessly pimping for Josh Mandel, even though he is constantly under fire for ethical lapses and polls show Sherrod Brown headed for re-election.”

Voinography: n., writings, pictures or comments intended to justify some of former governor and U.S. Senator George Voinovich’s ill-conceived policies or comments. Usage: “When JoAnn Davidson was Speaker of the Ohio House, she was expected to be soft on Voinography.’’

Evangelize!
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  • Anonymous

    Gay Mafia: n. Derogatory term used to describe Kasich’s three best friends and favored lobbyists Don Thibault, Doug Preisse, and Bob Klaffky.  Sometimes Kasich is even thrown into that grouping by folks who knew him before he found Jesus and a hot wife. 

    Kitchen Cabinet: n. This is the group who meets for dinner every week at Thibault’s house in German Village.  This group consists of Kasich senior staff, top campaign advisors/vendors and favorite lobbyists.  This is where state public policy and political strategies are made. 

  • Capt. 01%

    Maschari:v. to recruit the other party to cross and vote in your primary in order to throw the race to your candidate, there by causing not only tremendous conflict and long-term problems in your county party, but also jacking the registered voters list for years.

  • Anonymous

    DeWine: n. A curse word used by “True Ohio Conservatives”

    Husted: n. Another curse word used by “True Ohio Conservatives”

    True Ohio Conservative: n.
    1. An Ohio Citizen that has been bought off by big “fracking” money
    2. An Ohio Citizen that is “on the Kasich Bus”
    3. A Pennsylvanian that was elected as Ohio’s Governor
    4. An Ohio politician (currently in a majority leadership role in the Ohio House & Senate) that brown-noses the Pennsylvanian that was elected as Ohio’s Governor
    5. A small Ohio electorate that is facing extinction due to the policies put in place by a Pennsylvanian that was elected as Ohio’s Governor.

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