John-I-Am and His Sales Tax Scam

[A reader writes with a poem of sorts.  We were inspired to apply a bit of Photoshop.]

John I Am

I am John.

John-I-am, and I am the Governor of this land.

That John-I-am, that John-I-am!  I do not like that John-I-am!

Would you like me to tax you here or there?

I would not like you to tax me here or there.  I would not like that anywhere.  I do not like your sales tax scam.  I do not like them, John-I-am.

Would you like me to tax you when you groom your cat?  Would you like me to tax you when you prepare your tax?  I do not like taxes for grooming my cat.  I do not like it to prepare my tax.  I do not like them, John-I-am.  I do not like your sales tax scam.

Would you like it to ship a box?  Would you like it for a guide to hunt fox?  Not for shipping a box.  Not for hunting a fox.  Not to groom my cat.  Not to prepare my tax.  I do not like them here or there.  I do not like them anywhere.  I would not like your sales tax scam.  I do not like it, John-I-am.

Would you?  Could you? To collect a debt?  I would not, could not, to collect a debt.  Would you? Could you? At the fair to see a goat?  Would you? Could you?  To tow your boat?  I would not like it to see a goat!  I would not like it to tow a boat!  I do not like taxes to groom my cat!  I do not like them to prepare my tax!  I do not like them to ship a box!  I do not like them to hunt a fox!   I do not like them here or there!  I do not like them here or there!  I do not like them anywhere!  I do not like them, John-I-am.  I do not like your sales tax scam.

A train! A train! A train! I train! Could you, would you, to book a train? Not on a train?  Not to see a tree! Not to park my trailer, John, let me be!

You do not like my sales tax scam? I do not like it John-I-Am!

But I am John-I-Am!  And I’m the Governor of this land!  And I will tax you here and there!  I will tax you everywhere!  I will tax you when you dye your hair.  I will tax you when they bury you there!  I will tax you to settle a bill!  I will tax you to write a will!  I will tax you if you are thrown in jail and try to get out by paying bail!

I’ll tax you for downloading music from you phone, or download a movie to watch in your home.  I’ll tax you when you bowl.  I’ll tax you to watch cable T.V.  Keep it up, and I may even tax you when you sneeze.

Tell me, tell me, John-I-am!  Why you taxing me here or there?

Is it to make for better schools?  No, no, no, don’t be a fool!

Is it to make for better roads?  No, no, no, I have a different scheme for those.

Then tell me John-I-am, tell me, tell me, why you’d tax me for grooming my cat?  Why you’d tax me to prepare my tax?  Why you’d tax me to ship a box, or even to get a guide to hunt a fox?  Why tax me to dye my hair?  To bury me there?  To settle a bill or write a will? To make bail or hear a rocker wail?  To download a movie to watch in my home?  To download a book?  Why are you taxing me here and there?  Why do you want to tax me everywhere?

As John-I-am looked at me wry, he finally gave this reply:

I will tax you here or there.

I will tax you everywhere.

For I am king of this here land.

And with your new taxes,in the end,

I will be able to cut the taxes of my very rich friends.

THE END