The Republican Party has been so hollowed out by the Tea Party that there is now talk that this year’s round of Lincoln Day Dinners will be catered by Papa John’s pizza with a 20 percent discount to millionaires whose unemployment insurance has expired. The company’s right-wing founder, John Schlatter, who appeared on so many TV commercials with Peyton Manning (remember?), is a vibrant supporter of the Koch Brothers.
The plan allegedly being considered is that via the miracle of electronic transmission, Schlatter will be the featured speaker at all of the dinners railing against the Affordable Care Act. A Tea Party insider promised that the guests will be “deliighted” by the menu specialty of Pizza alla Papa, topped with “paparoni”. Planned highlights of the Super Bowl will be scratched to give Republican Manning more time to promote the 21 (!) Papa John’s franchises he owns in the Denver area.
Schlatter is expected to blame Manning’s failed perforfmance in the Super Bowl on President Obama for casting a tribal spell on the quarterback that he learned in Kenya.