Posts by: Fake Dispatch

Ohio Gov. John Kasich is a very busy man these days. He is currently running for re-election as the Governor of Ohio as he, though he denies it, secretly plans to run for President in 2016. Kasich was asked by Ed FitzGerald (D), his rival for the Governor’s seat, to promise Ohioans that Kasich wouldn’t bail on the state in 2015 and 2016 to run for President. Kasich shouted, as only Kasich can, “This guy standing right here in my shoes will not be running for President! “ And for once, we believed him. This made us uneasy and suspicious.

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The Ohio Senate voted unanimously on Senate Bill 420 this past Tuesday to change the name of Lake Erie to Lake Ohio. Senator Shannon Jones (R) and Senator Joe Schiavoni (D) co-sponsored the bill in a most unusual spirit of bipartisanship in The Ohio General Assembly. Senator Jones stated on Friday morning, “I think most Ohioans are behind this name change and quite frankly, we own most of the lake anyways. This has been a long time coming.”

Lake Erie is the eleventh largest lake in the world (by surface area), and the fourth largest of the Great Lakes in surface area though the smallest by [...]

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Ohio 3rd Graders are preparing to take the 3rd Grade Reading Assessment. Because Ohio’s Third Grade Guarantee law, if any of them do not score “proficient” on the test, they will be held back. Current projections suggest that over 19,000 3rd graders could be held back. Even if you failed your 4th Grade math proficiency test, you can see that the classroom size doesn’t add up. 2nd graders advancing into the 3rd grade will have to squeeze into the class room with those left behind 3rd graders.

That is until now.

John Kasich has announced a plan to create private, [...]

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