For two days now CNN has been telling me that Saddam Hussein was going to be executed- soon- very soon.
They showed me footage of other people being killed in Iraq.
They even had a doctor show me how hanging kills a person.
They told me who was going to claim the body and his personal effects.
And they kept saying “soon”.
And, I suppose, they were right; if you count “sometime between today and Saturday” as an accurate estimate of “soon”.
And now, as you probably have heard, he is dead.
But I didn’t hear the news from CNN.
Nope.
I heard it from Katie Couric.
Katie fucking Couric.
Yep.
I was as surprised as you are.
Damn.
I was in the middle of watching some cheesy episode of NUMBERS- when …
SLAM….
We interupt this cheesy episode of NUMBERS for…
Katie Couric.
And man, I tell you, she was ready.
She pounced on this story- like she’d been waiting all day in the studio to report it.
It almost seemed like she was trying to make up for something… like… like…
like she was trying to make up for the whole missing-President-Ford’s-death thing?
naw…
maybe the I-have-a-secret-crush-on-Saddam thing?
hmm….
could be.
Whatever the reason, she did a pretty good job- for Katie Couric.
“Saddam Hussein is… Dead”
Great Job, Ms. Couric.
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Plunderbund would like to congratulate Matt Naugle, Ken Blackwell’s official 2006 campaign blogger, for winning the Cleveland Plain Dealer’s “Terrell Owens Good Sportmanship Award” for his bobble-head video.
Great job, Matt! Keep up the good work.
OPEN’s Political WMD Awards
With the 2006 election in the rear-view mirror and steaming corpses littering the landscape, we hand out this year’s OPEN Awards in recognition of memorable contributions to the annals of political discourse in Ohio:
With the 2006 election in the rear-view mirror and steaming corpses littering the landscape, we hand out this year’s OPEN Awards in recognition of memorable contributions to the annals of political discourse in Ohio:The Clarence Thomas Potty Mouth Award — To Secretary of State Ken Blackwell, who, during his final televised debate against Gov.-elect Ted Strickland, accused Strickland of supporting the plank of the North American Man/Boy Love Association. Actually, Blackwell referred to the group as the “Male/Boy” Love Association, a butchering of a perverse accusation perhaps second only to Thomas’ memorable, “Who has pubic hair on my Coke?”
The Jimi Hendrix Are You Experienced? Award — To Sen. Mike DeWine, for the unforgettable charge he levied against Sen.-elect Sherrod Brown during an October debate at the City Club of Cleveland. In high dudgeon, DeWine accused Brown of running such a loosey-goosey operation when he was secretary of state that employees were able to use drugs right under Brown’s nose, including one who “ate a banana laced with marijuana.” Because no one in recorded history had ever attempted such novel experimentation with drugs and bananas, DeWine’s comment inspired drug-users all over America to begin lacing their bananas with marijuana.
The Arnold Schwarzenegger Mine’s Bigger Than Yours Award — To James Brodbelt Harris, the Zanesville financial analyst who ran against Rep. Bob Ney, now a federal convict, in the 18th Ohio Congressional district Republican primary. Incensed that Ney continually referred to him as a carpetbagger because Harris had lived in New York City for 10 years before moving to Ohio, Harris commended New York as “a great American city” and warned: “I shall never allow any politician to get away with questioning my enormous Ohio roots.”
The Was That The Loch Ness Monster I Just Saw? Award — To Richard Hayes Phillips, the wild-eyed New York geomorphologist hired by the Ohio Honest Elections Campaign. Phillips was the group’s expert witness in a lawsuit it filed against Blackwell, accusing the secretary of state of helping President Bush steal the 2004 election in Ohio. Phillips has a Ph.D. in “karst geomorphology,“ the study of landforms and drainage. He spent innumerable hours — all uncompensated — angering local elections board officials as he scrutinized ballots to determine why an Ohio voter would have voted for Bush and against Issue 1, the gay-marriage amendment. When he’s not accusing public officials of rigging elections, Phillips is “a lyric poet and wandering minstrel” who plays guitar, mandolin, kalimba and harmonica at venues throughout upstate New York.
The Karl Marx Down With Capitalist Pigs Award — To Judy Hanna, an associate lecturer in humanities and history at the University of Akron who lost an Ohio Senate race to incumbent Republican Sen. Kevin Coughlin. In 2005, Hanna authored an unintelligible essay for Democracy Week in which she claimed, among other things, that “corporate greed and blatant capitalism (are) running us all amuck.” If this essay is an indication of the quality of Hanna’s writing, Ohio voters have deprived themselves of some memorable floor speeches.
The If I Don’t Come Out With My Hands Up, I’m Coming In After Me Gibberish Award — To Bob Fitrakis, aka “Fraudbuster Bob,” the Green Party candidate who captured 1 percent of the vote in the governor’s race. Fitrakis repeatedly accused Blackwell of engaging in election fraud, referring to the secretary of state as J. Katrina Blackwell — an off-the-wall and not very clever play on Blackwell’s formal name, J. Kenneth Blackwell.
The Terrell Owens Good Sporstmanship Award — To Matt Naugle, amateur videographer and angry young man who served as the Blackwell campaign’s blogger. Pointing a golf club at the camera and saying he had a gift for Gov. Bob Taft, Attorney General Jim Petro and Taft’s chief of staff, Jon Allison, Naugle took a mighty swing and blasted a Taft bobblehead to smithereens. Alas, the video, which had been posted on YouTube, is no longer available.
The Jackass: The Movie Watch This! Award — To Rep. Geoff Smith, who humiliated himself, his parents and the entire House Republican caucus during his bizarre and inarticulate 30-minute farewell monologue. The low point, which came during the 19th minute of his rambling address, was an adolescent sex joke Smith told about fellow Columbus Rep. Larry Flowers and his wife. Smith was defeated last month by Columbus businessman Ted Celeste, the brother of former Gov. Dick Celeste. This video is required viewing for anyone looking for a primer on how to commit political suicide.
– Ted Wendling, twendling@plaind.com
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In a recent, RAD-ripping post, Jerid at BSB says: “the Republican party is built on a homophobic message that is largely based off hate and fear.” This time, Jerid, I’ll have to disagree. Fear and Hatred of same-sex couples DOES get the wing-nut base motivated and energized, but you can’t build a whole party on excitement alone.No, the GOP has a really big tent- and homophobia is just one of many, many stakes holding it in the ground. A party this big needs lots of things (i.e. people) to fear and hate- and there certainly is no shortage.But with so many options out there for Republican politicians, how can you be sure your politicians hate the same people you do?That’s why I started this guide…. Please feel free to suggest new entries- or offer corrections or additions to the ones below.————————————————————————————
Hate and Fear: Republican-to-English Phrase Book
———————————————————————————— Family Values
a. I am afraid of gay people; and/or
b. I am afraid of women
Defense of Marriage
I hate gay people. Homosexuality creeps me out (and/or turns me on) so I will promote discrimination against gay couples and deny them the same rights as hetero couples
Pro-Life
I hate women. They aren’t smart enough to make choices about their own bodies. See also: Who the hell gave THEM the right to vote?
The Welfare State
I hate poor people esp. Blacks (paying them not to work) and Mexicans (paying for kids’ healthcare)
English as National Language
I’m afraid of people who don’t speak my language. Travel scares me- especially international travel.
Secure our Borders
I really hate Mexicans. Can’t we just build a really big fence to keep them out?
Tough on Immigration
I hate foreigners (esp. Mexicans). We need to hunt them down and send them home. (right after they finish building that fence)
Support our Troops
I’m afraid of George W. Bush. I won’t support his policy, but I need to say something about this stupid war.
Stay the Course
I hate George W. Bush- for making me say this.
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Our friend over at the Buckeye State Blog announced this evening his retirement from the blogosphere.
Present Plundercrew (Jerid, Joe and Brian), along with Plundermonkey alumni (Eric) want to wish Russell all the best in his new endeavor with Ohio Treasurer Richard Cordray. The blogosphere is losing one of it’s best today, but the state of Ohio is gaining a tremendous asset. Stop by BSB and give Mr. Hughlock a warm sendoff in the comments.
All the best Russell!
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In today’s NY Times:
One night in mid-April, the steel door clanked shut on detainee No. 200343 at Camp Cropper, the United States military’s maximum-security detention site in Baghdad.
Notes he kept during his detention in a maximum security American military prison in Baghdad, and the Bible he kept, in which he wrote some of the notes.
American guards arrived at the man’s cell periodically over the next several days, shackled his hands and feet, blindfolded him and took him to a padded room for interrogation, the detainee said. After an hour or two, he was returned to his cell, fatigued but unable to sleep.
The fluorescent lights in his cell were never turned off, he said. At most hours, heavy metal or country music blared in the corridor. He said he was rousted at random times without explanation and made to stand in his cell. Even lying down, he said, he was kept from covering his face to block out the light, noise and cold. And when he was released after 97 days he was exhausted, depressed and scared.
Detainee 200343 was among thousands of people who have been held and released by the American military in Iraq, and his account of his ordeal has provided one of the few detailed views of the Pentagon’s detention operations since the abuse scandals at Abu Ghraib. Yet in many respects his case is unusual.
The detainee was Donald Vance, a 29-year-old Navy veteran from Chicago who went to Iraq as a security contractor. He wound up as a whistle-blower, passing information to the F.B.I. about suspicious activities at the Iraqi security firm where he worked, including what he said was possible illegal weapons trading.
But when American soldiers raided the company at his urging, Mr. Vance and another American who worked there were detained as suspects by the military, which was unaware that Mr. Vance was an informer, according to officials and military documents.
It took THREE MONTHS for an innocent American – the guy who tipped the government to the situation that erroneously landed him in detention in the first place – to be released from a military detention camp in Iraq. Three months. How long does it take an innocent who doesn’t have prior beneficial contact with the FBI? What if the innocent is Iraqi? Is anyone actually naive enough to think this is the only time it’s happened?
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Having a hard time figuring out which candidate best matches your views? Try this.
My results:
(100%) 1: Sen. Barack Obama (D)
(98%) 2: Sen. Russ Feingold (D)
(90%) 3: Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D)
(87%) 4: Gov. Bill Richardson (D)
(86%) 5: Sen. John Kerry (D)
(85%) 6: Retired Gen. Wesley Clark (D)
(79%) 7: Ex-VP Al Gore (D)
(78%) 8: Ex-Sen. John Edwards (D)
(78%) 9: Sen. Christopher Dodd (D)
(73%) 10: Gov. Tom Vilsack (D)
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Taking a break from the hard work of preempting local gun laws and screwing the incoming democratic governor, Ohio’s Republican-controlled legislature is finally focusing on something that all Ohioan’s care about: indigenous fruit and Nascar…
Score one for the mighty pawpaw
It was getting late in the evening on Thursday, and as the Ohio Senators milled around waiting to finish up the day’s business, State Sen. Steve Stivers had a confession to make.
“I’m bought and sold by the pawpaw industry,” the Columbus Republican said. “Yep, it’s true.”
Stivers was just joking around with a couple of reporters, but Thursday’s action at the Statehouse was anything but a joke for Ohio’s oh-so-powerful pawpaw lobby. The obscure fleshy fruit, known as “the poor man’s banana,” was named the state’s official native fruit, one of 64 people, places and things to be given official designation in an omnibus naming bill passed by the Ohio House Thursday.
Meanwhile, Senate Bill 114 named the tomato as Ohio’s state fruit while the bullfrog became the official state amphibian. April 29 will now forever be known as Dale Earnhardt Day in Ohio, while Ronald Reagan managed to score June 12 as his 24 hours of immortality. The official state sandwich? Carle’s Bratwurst, the encased meat that has a little bit of Bucyrus in every bite.
License plates aplenty were created, mostly to honor different groups of military vets while Germans, homeless people, veterans, farmers, nurses, children’s author Robert McCloskey and police killed in the line of duty were all among those who got special recognition.
Perhaps the most misplaced honorific has to go to the portions of Ohio 5 and 82 in Trumbull County that were renamed the President Ronald Wilson Reagan Outerbelt in the bill. For the record, Reagan won all of 48 percent of the vote in Trumbull County in his 1980 run against President Jimmy Carter and followed that by squeaking out 45 percent of the county’s vote four years later against Walter Mondale.
By the way, the pawpaw is supposed to taste something like a mango crossed with a banana (a banago?). It also turns out that backers of the pawpaw even at one point distributed pawpaw chutney to state lawmakers and staffers. The pawpaw chutney was described by one Statehouse source – too terrified of the mighty pawpaw interests to go on the record – as “kind of gross.”
Hey, is that any way to talk about Ohio’s official indigenous fruit?
- Aaron Marshall, amarshall@plaind.com
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They didn’t do much, but they did manage to rename a heck of a lot of post offices…
Of the 383 pieces of legislation that were signed into law during the two-year 109th Congress, more than one-quarter dealt with naming or renaming federal buildings and structures – primarily post offices – after various Americans.
That’s clearly the most important use of the two days a week Congress worked this past two years.
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The American Union of Concerned Scientists are speaking out about the politicization of science.
Some 10,000 US researchers have signed a statement protesting about political interference in the scientific process.
The statement, which includes the backing of 52 Nobel Laureates, demands a restoration of scientific integrity in government policy.
We all know why this matters – but just in case:
“It’s very difficult to make good public policy without good science, and it’s even harder to make good public policy with bad science,” said Dr Peter Gleick, president of the Pacific Institute for Studies in Development, Environment and Security.
“In the last several years, we’ve seen an increase in both the misuse of science and I would say an increase of bad science in a number of very important issues; for example, in global climate change, international peace and security, and water resources.”
This is the legacy Bush and the 109th Congress are leaving us. Let’s hope it’s not a lasting precedent.
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Elephant headquarters hit againThe Mad Glass-Smasher, the guy who’s been using the state headquarters of the Ohio Republican Party for target practice, has used rocks, bricks and a broken padlock to shatter windows and doors.
Last week, even after Columbus police gave the GOP the OK to post video of the guy bouncing a rock off of its HQ’s front door, he struck again — this time using a broken tree branch.
A police report says the man used a tree limb to smash a window on the northeast side of the building between 10 p.m. Thursday and 8 a.m. Friday. That makes six attacks, eight broken windows and doors, and thousands of dollars in damage since Nov. 1.
And, apparently, still no leads on the perpetrator.
Sgt. James Bair of the Columbus Police Strategic Response Bureau said the video is of such poor quality that police have been unable to ID the Republican-hating sociopath. Anyone willing to finger the guy is asked to call police at 614-645-4545.
- Ted Wendling, twendling@plaind.com
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I believe in Christmas (or: Why the War on Christmas doesn’t exist)
by Brian on December 18, 2006 · Comments
On Pandagon yesterday:
Heh. Of course, Amanda is responding to an article in the NY Times that is shocked – shocked – that an atheist might actually have a Christmas tree. She continues…
Personally, I have a tree, lights, presents, the whole nine yards. We tune the TV to TBS starting Christmas Eve so that by the end of the day on Christmas, I’ve seen A Christmas Story enough times that I don’t want to see it again until next Christmas. (BTW, that’s my favorite holiday movie, and it totally captures the magic of Christmas when you are growing up.)
Christmas has nothing to do with the Christ Mass for most people, which is why it’s so incredibly disingenuous for people like Bill’O to complain that there is a “War on Christmas” because some retailer has the audacity to interrupt their rampant non-Christ-related consumerism with a “Happy Holidays”. What does that Douglas Fir in my living room have to do with Christ? Or what does Santa have to do with Christ, for that matter?
Christmas is a cultural holiday. And as someone who celebrates the holiday, I will protect the rights of others to not celebrate Christmas.
Happy Holidays. Like Bilbo I feel thin; like butter scraped over too much bread – so I’m going on a brief blogging sabbatical. I’ll be back after the New Year. Now where’d I set that eggnog…
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