Th’ Mexicans Is Stealin’ Yer Jobs

By Joseph On June 10, 2008 · 5 Comments

Ohio’s economy sucks right now. Just like the national economy. We’re in a recession and people are out of work.

Ohio has been hit especially hard- and Republican politicians know exactly what they need to do to use this to their advantage: find someone to blame.

Obviously they can’t admit that seven years of Bush’s failed economic policies are at fault. No, it must be something a little less specific and a little more scary.

Yes, my friends, it must be the Mexicans!

I’ve been following Mecklenborg’s English-Only bill since he introduced it back in February.

But I find it hard to believe that any of the voters this bill is intended to sway are actually following its progress.

I’m not sure any of the out-of-work, undereducated white people in rural Ohio even know who Robert Mecklenborg is.

My recommendation to Bob: take your message of hate directly to the people.

Pick a small town in the middle of nowhere. A town with a lot of white people and very few jobs and deliver a speech like the one below.

Prepared Remarks for Bob Mecklenborg’s Visit to Shitsville, OH

Redneck Translation ( Click here for the English Version )

When ah was a chile growin’ up in Ohio mah Paw had a fine payin’ job at th’ mill, ah reckon.

He wawked hard an’ he was paid a fair wage fo’ thet labo’.

When ah was chile, Ohio was a much diffrunt place.

Back then, thar were inough jobs fo’ ev’ry man willin’ t’wawk.

Thin’s is diffrunt now. But ah doesn’t need t’tell yo’ thet.

Yer town of Wess Shitsville, OH has th’ highess unemployment rate in th’ state an’ th’ third highess in th’ country.

Agin- ah doesn’t need t’tell YOU thet. Yo’ hafta live through this hyar ev’ry day.

But ah didn’t come hyar t’bo’e yo’ wif numbers an’ facks.

An’ ah didn’t come hyar t’remind yo’ about yer problems.

So whuffo’ did ah come hyar, yo’ ax?

ah came hyar t’give yo’ this hyar message: It’s notcher fault.

Yo’ didn’t make th’ fine jobs hoof it away.

Yo’ didn’t does ennythin’ wrong, acco’din’ t’ th’ code o’ th’ heells!

Yo’ did ev’rythin’ yo’ were told, cuss it all t’ tarnation.

Wawked hard, Gotcher GED. Got married up wif. Had kids. Took out a loan fo’ a noo trailer.

Yo’ did ev’rythin’ yo’ were told an’ yo’ were promised th’ ‘merican Dream, dawgone it.

But how menny of yo’ hyar today feel like yer livin’ th’ ‘merican Dream?

How menny of yo’ hyar today feel like th’ ‘merican Dream has been stolen fum yo’?

Amen, as enny fool kin plainly see. An’ ah’s hyar today t’tell yo’: it’s notcher fault.

Th’ ‘merican Dream was TAKEN fum yo’ – an’ it was taken by varmints who isn’t even ‘mericans!

It was taken, mah friends, by Illegal Immigrants!

Mah friends, ah came hyar t’South Shitsville, Ohio t’tell yo’ thet yer not alone an’ yer not fo’gotten.

Yer struggle is mah struggle.

An’ as yer representative ah will does ev’rythin’ in mah power t’stop illegal immigrants fum takin’ away yer jobs.

ah will does ev’rythin’ in mah power t’keep ‘merican th’ English-speakin’, Jedtian country our Pappys foun’ed.

ah will does ev’rythin’ in mah power t’give yo’ back th’ ‘merican Dream thet yo’ were promised an’ so rightly desarve.

It’s yer dream, mah friends. Th’ MERICAN dream, dawgone it. An’ togither we kin take it back!

Translation services provided by the dialectizer.

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